My reasoning was simple: If i can't think of what i want to do when i'm apathetic and looking for new things then why not do something i would hate. Surely that would make things clearer? Sure, it didn't work as i had planned but i got a great week away all paid for by the company and learned a lot of new stuff the following months as i went around selling 'Income protection' for the Combined Insurance Company of America, or CICA as we were known. It was a good product and a lot of the salespeople i spoke to said they had never made more money in any job they had ever done. It was fun for a while but i don't think i was in the right place in my life for that kind of work. I believe i left one day and the next week was working as a manager at a local tourist hotspot not too far from Winnie the Pooh bridge. As you do.
10 years or so later, i still don't have a clue what i want to do but am reassured by Baz's lyrics from Sunscreen that 'some of the most interesting forty year old's' he's met don't have a clue either.
I'm sure 'The Dude' would agree that what is perceived as apathy from others can lead to a full and happy life. It's not laziness, merely an almost Zen Buddist like acceptance of taking things as they come and understanding to 'just be' in the moment. Whether something is classically good or bad is irrelevant, it just 'is'.
I've noticed lately that my comfort zone has contracted around me while i've blindly been doing the daily grind. Before i've realised what ive been doing i've turned 30 and been doing the same job for 3 years with not a great deal to show for it. Sure, lately i've got a bit more organised with regards to getting things going with my acting chum Pete Russell. As of yet we have still to meet up and get shit going, plans are in place and we have a good line up for the kind of content we are after with regards to our Generation Project. Which is essentially a collaberation of people of all ages who know each other within a close linked social network of like minded souls. Sounds good when i write it like that. I'll make a note to put that on the back of a Tee-Shirt.
Needless to say i'm in that dark place where work is a chore and most of the time i either dread it or get overly stressed and end up driving home annoyed only to wake up the next day and have to sit in stressful traffic and do it all again. It wasn't this bad when i used to get the train. I used to enjoy the relaxing hour out of my day and catch up on reading. Screaming through my library of online book purchases that first fill my shelves then have to be moved under the bed from lack of room on my shelves but still remain unread due to my driving antics. I would get the train more if it didn't work out so frickin' expensive. Because i work 9-5 and by that i mean 21:00-05:30 leaving my house at 17:30 to get there in time and arriving home at 07:00 means life is topsy turvy and the train charges me peak prices, even though i am LEAVING LONDON on what is usually a train with 4 people on it. I don't find it 'fare' that i should have to pay full whack on a train that is only going to pick people up from my neck of the woods anyway. Oh well, c'est la vie.
Needless to say, change is needed and pronto or i feel i may do something i will later regret. Like throwing someone off the roof of Babestation. Or coming in with a semi-automatic carbine and a postal uniform. While it may come as a shock to some as to how i can possibly be bored surrounded by scantily clad women, believe me, it's just a job like any other. If you are not inspired and your average workload consists of button pushing and telling people the same things over and over again like a fracking parrot you begin to lose the slender grip on reality you have left. It was good back in the days of producing/moderating one or even two shows at once. When they put you in charge of the audio and graphics for four shows at the same time and they are all live the fun stops. You do not have the time to be creative or theme the shows. This kinda bugs me as i don't think we're giving our audience anything more than the same show every night of the week with 'the babes' just going through the motions as it were. Holiday round the corner methinks but i have no clue where to go. It feels like all my imagination has been sucked out of me. I reckon Antonia and I will do what any normal couple would do in such circumstances and write down 6 places to go and roll a dice.
